Saturday, April 28, 2007

You Can't Spell "dickhead" Without "a-i-d", Dept.

Federal Official Resigns in Inquiry of Escort Service - New York Times

Don't do the crime if you can't do the time!
Don't plunge the gorge if your paycheck's from George!
Don't pay for snatch on ol' Condi's watch!
Don't hire call girls to stuff their panties in your mouth, bind you with handcuffs, and ream your butt with a greased burpless cucumber if you're a highly-paid, highly-visible member of a right-wing administration who comes to his exalted position in the foreign affairs policy-making hierarchy not by dint of qualification through experience and knowledge but, instead, as a function of the thousands upon thousands of dollars you've funnelled into the party coffers!

Yeah, not as catchy but perhaps more on point.

Randall L. Tobias, now-former head of USAID and now-former Ambassador head of United States Foreign Assistance.

Poor Randy. Randy Randy.
He learned Lesson Number One of Choc City scandals.
You can lie. You can cheat. You can steal. You can break the law. You can lie about lying, cheating, stealing, and breaking the law. You can fuck up and cost tens of thousands of Americans their homes and property. You can ignore reality and cost thousands of Americans their very lives.
But you can't be caught getting your winkie tickled by hookers.

That would betray a lack of character on your part, don'tcha know.

3 comments:

Sonia said...

A new star has risen in the East -thesobsister. The description of the Tobias train-wreck has never been described as eloquently as it is here.

the sobsister said...

thank you.
and thanks for visiting.

Pigasus said...

Allegorical summary of 26 years of government service:

"Uh, Zoo Keeper? Somebody has released cloned Velociraptors into the zoo and they're opening cages and eating all the animals. I think that's the moving truck of the guys who did it over there in that handicapped parking spot..."

"Wait, SOMEBODY IS PARKED IN A HANDICAPPED PARKING SPOT??? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME?????"

So yeah, a guy paid for something that it's legal to give away and everybody is in a tizzy. Sure. No surprise there.