Monday, April 23, 2007

Bush Am Honorable Man, or Return to Bizarro World, Dept.

Copperas Cove man to give president his Purple Heart

Right, so a "Bill Thomas" of some fucking place in Texas or another, who had received three Purple Hearts for his service during the Vietnam War, sent one of them to the poor retarded man in the White House via his congressman on account of "the verbal attacks, both foreign and domestic, the commander in chief has withstood during his time in office. 'We feel like emotional wounds and scars are as hard to carry as physical wounds,' Thomas said."



As a result, the Thomases were invited to meet with the poor retarded man for 20 minutes in the Oval Office to present the, let me repeat this, Purple Heart to the poor retarded man in person. At which time, according to Thomas, our Chief Executive and Commander-in-Chief reportedly said he "didn't feel like he'd earned it". Which is a nice, humble thought coming from an inveterate draft-dodger who used every scrap of influence at his and his family's disposal to avoid front-line military service during an actual shooting war.

But, of course, the poor retarded man then promptly took the Purple Heart from an actual, wounded veteran of the war he himself would not deign to fight for his country, all the while apparently unaware that he was being vigorously boned up the arse by Irony.

Oh, Mister President, what do you take at night to help you sleep? 'Cause just a few drops, I'm sure, would be enough to sedate all of North Korea for a month.

And lest you think your sobsister is in any way shitting you, I confirmed the fact of the Oval Office meeting with the congressman's Washington office. The White House Press folks, on the other hand, have been somewhat dilatory in their response to my query. A ceremony in the Oval Office on April 16. Hmmm...April 16, April why does that date ring a bell?...oh, right, it was the day that that crazed gunman murdered 33 people at Virginia Tech. Man oh Manischewitz! Now that is one multitasking sonuvagun! Able to feel great sorrow at the senseless and tragic death of dozens occasioned by a lunatic wielding an innocent handgun and able to receive a Purple Heart--to which he is as entitled as Britney is to be Mother of the Year--as a cheap bolster to his drooping ego, all in the same day! Next week, I'll be reporting on how the poor retarded man is soon to obtain a second-hand Nobel Prize for Literature as well as Bette Davis' 1938 Oscar™ for Jezebel.

Our President, the little magpie twunt.

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