Thursday, November 29, 2007

The Bigger The Headache, The Bigger The Pill, Dept.

Roberts says God forced his resignation - Yahoo! News

The scene: the Judgment Seat
The time: a moment after Richard Roberts, former president of Oral Roberts University, draws his last breath

ROBERTS: Lord...I, I don't know to say. I didn't actually believe You existed...I mean, I acted like I did but that was just for show, you know, for the rubes. As a result, Lord, I cheated, I stole, I invoked your name in every sort of blasphemous lie. I exploited for personal gain the simple faith of the poor dumb hicks who actually thought I talked to You, Lord, and that You talked back and gave me legal advice and professional advice and spiritual advice. Lord, I treated you like a ventriloquist's dummy instead of the Almighty Deity of the Universe just to make a few sleazy bucks, just to drive a nicer car than anyone I knew, just so my wife could go on shopping sprees, just so I could revel in the power that came from belief by tens of thousands that I was a religious man with a connection to God Himself as deep and real as that of Moses and Abraham. My Lord, My God, can You find it in Your Infinite Kindness and Goodness to forgive a black-hearted sinner like me?

GOD: You're fucked, bitch.

As Gilbert & Sullivan wrote, "a paradox, a paradox, a most ingenious paradox".

How is it that the ones who preach most loudly and most self-importantly that God exists act most obviously and most egregiously as if He, She, or It doesn't?

On second thought, that's no paradox at all.

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