Monday, March 26, 2007

Who Does the Clean'n'Jerk? Who Does the Snatch?, Dept.

two conservative shitwits
One of these two people is advertised as possessing an "11-inch uncut monster cock", the other is a Republican whore.
Which is which is which?
*ha ha!* Trick question, kids: the descriptions are interchangeable!

For those who have not been following the news or for those who don't routinely google "11-inch uncut monster cock", the fellow on the left is Matt Sanchez, a Marine reservist who, by blubbering before the inevitable Hannitys and O'Reillys, had become the far-right's most recent Model Soldier (youxiu shibing for you Sinologists). You see, Li'l Matt had endured heroically the cwuel, cwuel hostility of the left-loving, ivory-tower-scaling, Jesus-hating, jihad-aiding, secular-humanist pencil-necks at Columbia U. who were reported to have "mocked his military service" and "called him names" while he attended that Ivy League bastion of sodomy and liberalism.

Funny I should mention "sodomy" 'cause, of course, it turns out that Corporal Sanchez Had A Past.
I mean, all rightie/loonie/fundies Have A Past.
Otherwise, they wouldn't be rightie/loonie/fundies.
But Li'l Matt's comes illustrated.
Or, to be more accurate, Li'l Matt's cums, illustrated.
For, you see, Matt Sanchez used to be...(*gasp!* *sob!* *choke!*) a Gay Porn Star!

Here at "Tom Bacchus on the Vine" blog, we have a series of flattering snaps of Matt in full and unfurled glory. Ironically, his full and unfurled glory curves to the left. Unless he's in the Southern Hemisphere where it corkscrews.

And here at the "Joe. My. God." blog, we have a nice summary of the story, including interviews with Mr. Monster Cock his own bad self.

What lessons can we draw from this perhaps poetic comeuppance, children?
Well, first of all, yes, if you've worked as a gay porn star or rent boy--and I'm looking right at you, Trent Lott--or hired a gay porn star or rent boy--and I'm still looking right at you, Trent Lott--stay away from a career which involves a high media profile amidst those whited sepulchers who would normally condemn those like you out-of-hand.
Second, if you advertise yourself as possessing an 11-inch uncut monster cock, try to be within three inches of your advertised length. "Internet inches" went out with Hootie & the Blowfish.
And third, if you're going to have your own blog, make the effort to write in a way that doesn't sound like you really, really need to retake Freshman Comp.

All that said, Christ, I hope Ted Haggard never runs into Li'l Matt. He'd pop the stitches on his hard-won heterosexuality like a hernia victim trying to clean'n'jerk a cow.

lei feng comes clean