Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Old Blackwater, Keep On Rollin', Dept.

Chief of Blackwater Defends His Employees - New York Times

Yeah, so Erik D. Prince--the whitewalled talking point who runs Blackwater USA and what a fine 1985 rapper's name he has--was just jawbonin' with a Congressional committee this week. And it turns out that there are a number of things I Did Not Know about Blackwater or, as I like to call it, SATAN DEATH SQUAD OVERSTRIKE!!!111oneoneone

Let's let the Fresh Prince of Baghdad's quotes speak for themselves:

"People make mistakes; they do stupid things sometimes."
Yes. Yes they do. Elect a drooling autocrat to the presidency twice in a row, for example. Or eat corn dogs. Or forget to screen men carrying big-ass guns for possible sociopathic tendencies. Whoopsie.

"If the government doesn't want us to do this, we'll go do something else."
Like work for Al-Qaeda. Hell, money's just as green, am I right?

"They call us mercenaries. But we're Americans working for America protecting America."
And let me just congratulate Mr. Prince for delivering this sentence while simultaneously baking an apple pie, fielding a double play, kissing his mother, and lighting a bouquet of red-white-and-blue sparklers wedged stem-first in his ass.

Actually, I sort of like that last sentence in its Gertrude Stein-esque cadences.
Americans working for America protecting America.
She had been dancing. She had been one dancing. She was dancing then. She had been doing dancing. When she had been doing dancing she had been dancing. She had been dancing when she had been dancing. She had been dancing.

See? Practickly the same.
Except Gertrude didn't unprovokedly shoot a man in the head then shoot his weeping mother dead then blow their car to bits then strafe a queue of panic-stricken drivers.
That I know of.

Yo, yo, yo, Erik D. Prince!
Throw your hands in the air and wave 'em like you just don't care to be shot by a lawless gang of psycho cowboys!

1 comment:

Pigasus said...

Here's the sad thing... there will always be a "something else" to do.

Blackwater is a national embarrassment.