Veal, the Other, Other White Meat, Dept.

Green Bay Press-Gazette - Brown County Republican Party chairman faces sex charges

Hey, it's Man-Boy Love Tuesday here at your sobsister's! And whom do we have with us today? Why, it's Donald Fleischman, the 37-year-old GOP chairman in Brown Country, WI who faces some narsty criminal charges for fondling a 16-year-old runaway in bed, feeding him beer and weed, and--the pièce de résistance--masturbating at the foot of the boy's bed while he was asleep. I'm sorry...I should say "allegedly" squeezing and self-pleasing on account of how Fleischman's mouthpiece indicated that his client is "innocent of all charges."

Yes. Yes, I am certain that he is innocent and certainly no pedophile. How could he be? He's a Republican, fer Chrissake's! They don't cotton to no boy-loving homos in the Grand Old Party! I'm sure this will turn to have been simply a misunderstanding. He definitely was not masturbating at the foot of that boy's bed, I tell you what. Probably just practicing his baton work for the John Philip Sousa tribute-a-thon he was planning on leading someday. Dum-de-dum dum-dum-dum dum-de-dum. Ah, the "Washington Post March". There's a rousing tune! Banish all thoughts of boybuggery, lads! Hop to it! Dum-da-dum-da-dum da-dum-da-dum da-dum.