What's in a Name?, Dept.

Alright, people, you heard the man, "This government does not torture people." And, surprising as it may sound, I believe the old coke-snarfer. The government of the United States does not torture people.

However, it has rewritten the definition of "people" to exclude Jihadists, Jihadist sympathizers, Jihadist fundraisers, and the editorial board of the New York Times.

See? Easy-peasy-legalesey!

In response to the fact that the NYT had recently published reports showing that the Department of Justice had been filing super-duper-double-dog-secret memos basically saying, "yay! torture rocks!" at the same time it was publicly saying that torture was "abhorrent" with the straightest face a bucket of Botox could give it, White House spokesman Anthony "Tony Bazooms" Fratto noted, "It's troubling. I've had the awful responsibility to have to work with The New York Times and other news organizations on stories that involve the release of classified information. And I can tell you that every time I've dealt with any of these stories, I have felt that we have chipped away at the safety and security of America with the publication of this kind of information."

Yes, Tony, yes. It is an "awful responsibility" to have to try to get that naughty Fourth Estate to suck your dick not too fast, not too slow, but just the way you like it. And it is "troubling" that they would wander off the reservation like that, just publishing what?, quote-unquote news?? The nerve. The Times should take a few lessons from the boys and girls over at FOX. Why, they've gone so far as to have all their teeth pulled just to give you the smoothest suck access can buy.