Bringing a Boiled Leek to a Gunfight, Dept.

Right, so... Scott Brown. Massachusetts. A week later, and my mind is still trying to wrap itself around how incredibly badly the Demoprats miscalculated that particular race, but I'm actually having better luck imagining a 6-dimensional Calabi–Yau manifold.

Let's see...on the one hand, you've got this Man of the People who drives a beat-ass pickup truck, is a lieutenant colonel in the Mass. National Guard, is a champion triathlete, won Cosmo's "America's Sexiest Man" competition back in the day, has raised $5 million for an order of Cistercian nuns, is married to a TV newswoman and has one daughter who was a semifinalist on American Idol and another who's pre-med at Syracuse, the two of them attractive and apparently comfortable wearing very small swimwear.

On the other hand, you had someone who lost a double-digit lead in the polls by fucking up a joke about the Red Sox; defending the overreaction during the Aqua Teen Hunger Force ad campaign when LED signs were thought to be bombs; being on the side of the angels on key issues that are hugely liberal, i.e, divisive; and being a competent litigator at a time when lawyers and the educated are in particularly low esteem. I mean, the Democrats could've run Taylor Swift stapled to one of the Na'vi and still had an uphill slog. So, "aloof wonk" is just a few doors down from the Hopeless Hotel on the Rue de Despair.

I can't imagine the calculus that the Dems used to arrive at this juncture. Maybe it worked on paper. Maybe people in focus groups lied about favoring competence over charisma. Maybe the polling was conducted by the same outfit that touted Thomas E. Dewey, New Coke and Leno at 10. I myself don't know.

At any rate, Massachusetts, having sated its need to skullfuck the legacy of their late senior senator, now has its own Sarah Palin. Now, I wrote earlier about my demand that Dickflashin' Brown cover the Palinator, because, according to the ancient texts of my people, "OMGz!!! bby Bralin wld TOTLY rul!!!" In other words, or in words, their offspring would signal the End of Days and the Rapture of the Rapture-Ready, which I'm cool with because I'd enjoy getting a seat on the subway every morning and not seeing anyone reading The Washington Times as anything resembling journalism outside, say, Myanmar.

But, now I'm thinking something else, and this is what I'm thinking: have Scott Brown and Sarah Palin ever been photographed together? Because, I'm concerned, Gentle Readers. Concerned that the entities we know as The Most Annoying Woman in America™ and Starkers McBushpeek may actually be the two personae of a hermaphroditic whole, possibly from another planet, if not another dimension!

Keep watching the skies, friends. And keep watching Glee, because, sure, New Directions won Sectionals, but look at the competition... And, finally, keep watching your hands, because when you shake hands with the Bralin, there's a better-than-even chance you'll lose your rings and a digit or two in the exchange.