Wednesday, June 20, 2007

A Contest With No Winners, Dept. - Our Campaign Song

Okay. If the acronym "OMFG" was created by the Maker of Us All for use when confronted by news that requires one to blow the metaphorical doors off one's mind from sheer excitement, then OMFG!!!!1111oneoneone.

Because Hillary Clinton--let me catch my breath a sec--has chosen her campaign song!!! Or, rather, the Murkin peepul have spoken and uttered unto the Hillster, "Behold, we bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people: your campaign song shall be...'You and I' by French-Canadian wood thrush, Celine Dion."

Oh yes.
Oh yes.

Just in case y'all are among those lucky ducks unfamiliar with this li'l ditty, let me offer you the lyrics for your dining and dancing pleasure,

High above the mountains, far across the sea
I can hear your voice calling out to me
Brighter than the sun and darker than the night
I can see your love shining like a light
And on and on this earth spins like a carousel
If I could travel across the world
The secrets I would tell

You and I
Were meant to fly
Higher than the clouds
We'll sail across the sky
So come with me
And you will feel
That we're soaring
That we're floating up so high
Cause you and I were meant to fly

Sailing like a bird high on the wings of love
Take me higher than all the stars above
I'm burning, yearning
Gently turning round and round
I'm always rising up I never
Want to come back down

God, that's shit.
And, yes, it sounds exactly like you might imagine it would.
It's a Celine Dion song.
All "inspirational" and "soaring" and "anthemic".
The kind of thing they would've played at the 1936 Olympics if Germany had been run not by Nazis but by painfully-earnest teenage girl poets who'd just discovered their clits.

Joining the ranks of FDR's "Happy Days Are Here Again" and JFK's "High Hopes"--both of which were, admittedly, severely flawed by dint of their not having been chosen by the Murkin peepul--this song will rally supporters to the HRC camp by informing them that Hillary "can see (their) love shining like a light" and by noting that if Hillary could travel across the world, say, as President of the United States of America, oh, "the secrets (she) could tell".

Gratified as I am that the Hillster's compound eyes are sensitive enough to detect my own luv-light beaming from way across town, and curious as I am to hear how big a dildo Bill had to agree to take im tuchus to atone for his diddlin'n'fiddlin', I am compelled by my own ethical imperatives to ask: Are these good things?
I'm going to say these are not good things.
Similarly, I'm going to note here that I didn't need to know that Hillary was "burning, yearning, gently turning". There are medicated creams expressly formulated to treat such conditions and the Senator would be well advised to purchase and use them as directed.

Ha ha!
But seriously, folks.
The Campaign Song Contest.
If there was a reason to stage this reach-around other than to allow Hillary the luxury of not having to be scrutinized and criticized for her choice of a campaign song, I'd like to hear it.
And if there's an agenda to this reach-around other than to give voters the illusion that their views, concerns, and criticisms are anything but gnats' farts to the Big cHill, I'd love to hear it.
Because this whole project wears about it the stink of cynicism, calculation, and condescension.
Hey, there's a slogan for Hillary '08!: "3C's for HRC!"
Maybe she could hold a contest on her site to allow visitors to choose what each of the three C's represents.

I have a strong hunch as to what one of the early leaders in the voting would be.


barryweber said...

Cool, calibrated, contraindications?

Canonical, celibate, cacophony?

Caustic, chattering, conundrum?

Cerulean, circumcised, ceramicist?

Catatonic, conniving, cabbalist?

Am I right? Am I close? What do I win?

the sobsister said...

Let's give one'a these overstuffed teddy bears to the gennelman from Texas! Big hand for the gennelman from Texas!

Those are all C-words, kind sir. That brooks no doubt. Ah, but who among us can say if any of them is the right C-word?