The Rule Of Law Is For Pussies, Dept.

Marion Barry Acquitted of Drunk Driving

Yeah, so here's a blinding fucking shocker: Marion "If he's smoked the shit, you must acquit" Barry was found innocent of operating a vehicle while impaired, driving under the influence, and driving an unregistered vehicle.

Apparently the Secret Service had stopped the former D.C. Mayor-cum-scumbag after he'd done 27 consecutive figure-eights, fishhooks, and doughnuts in his car, finishing with a stunning triple Salchow just near the White House. The agents testified that he stank of booze, was stumbling, had red eyes and slurred speech.

But thank Jeebus for "reasonable doubt". Marion "It goes up my nose, mine and that of my ho's" Barry provisionally passed a breath test later that evening and then "refused a urine test".

I want to run for public office.
Not out of any sense of duty or mission or calling or public service.
Just so I can refuse urine tests and the like.
Run over puppies, take drugs on camera, fuck prostitutes in jail, whaddya gonna do?!
I'm Marion Barry, BITCH!

Thank you, voters of Chocolate City. Without you, our municipal politics might actually cease being a punchline.
And thank you, Mister Former Mayor. For teaching us that after centuries of slavery, abuse, disenfranchisement, and prejudice, a Black man can still rise above his race's tragic past and act like a total fucking ass.

No offense to asses.