The Bitch Set Me Up!...with Microsoft Office and an improved filing system..., Dept.
Driver Denied Bond in Festival Crash
Trust your sobsister when I say that this story is like the very nectar of life in Choc City distilled down to a few intense droplets of anti-pleasure.
A crackhead goes to work as a temp for former mayor, current Councilman, forever substance-abuser Marion Barry. Which is a bit like John Wayne Gacy scoring a gig as a Scoutmaster. After a hard day at the pipe, she takes her car for a little twirly-whirl which sees her, first, hit an unmarked cop car
(amazingly--or not--the cops don't follow her because "the traffic violation did not pose a threat to officers".
wait, I still don't get it.),
then, twenty minutes later, plow through police barricades into a church-sponsored street festival where she sends pedestrians and strollers flying and, in the process, injures 40 people including her 4-year-old son who is thrown out of the vehicle's path by his father who is himself hit by the car.
But none of this, classically Choc City-ish as it is, is my favorite bit. My favorite bit is the letter written by Marion "the Hoovernator" Barry's chief of staff to the temp agency. He writes, "The behavior of your employee, although outside of work, indicates that you may not have properly investigated her background prior to placing her in our office." Ummm...yeah. I'd say. A little. But I'll bet dollars to doughnuts that the temp agency keeps its contract with the city anyway. 'Cause that's how we roll here in Choc City.
I was going to close this with some snark about how Marion "the Pipe-cleaner" Barry--despite a 1990 crack cocaine conviction and despite being stopped almost monthly for exhibiting dubious driving skills while maybe possibly under the influence of some intoxicant or another--can still hold office in Choc City and how, in electing this fucked-up, pie-eyed douchebag, African-Americans here have exhibited the clearheadedness of learning-disabled children after a bucket of sugar down the gullet. But then I remember that European-Americans elected George W. Bush to the highest position in our nation not once but twice. And then I figure Blacks could elect a serial child molester tax evader puppy kicker with heroin needles hanging out of his arms and a meth lab in his baby daughter's nursery and still be cut plenty o' slack.
In closing, let me quote from the second stanza of the Chocolate City colonial anthem:
O, Choc-Town, long may you stand
as the proverbial city on a hill