Ketchup Time, Dept.

Hey, mid-term elections!  Krazy Teabaggers!  Dirty tricks!  The National Mall ass-deep in meta-signs and moderates!  More Krazy Teabaggers!  Loudmouthery in the ascendant!  National Tragedy™ Sarah Palin inexplicably still not back to flipping burgers in a food trailer!  Dick Tracy villain Mitch "Limpface" McConnell a-plottin'!  Michele Bachmann eluding the men with the butterfly nets!  The Three Weird Sisters--Angle, O'Donnell, Miller--unable to make their witchly cooking stick to America's ribs!

And the bottom line......we welcome our new Oompa-Loompa Speaker of the House, John "I'm a Massive" Boehner!  The American people look forward to two years of gratuitous, partisan obstructionism on the part of our first Tangerine-American House leader.  It's as if Ohio were somehow able to transplant a horrible, sebum-fat wen from its face to that of the nation.  Thanks, Buckeyes!

So, c'mon, GOP!  Live up to your role, nay, your divinely mandated mission, as the Cock-Blocking Party!  At this critical time in our country's history, we need a Gal Who Can Say 'No'!  Otherwise, the speed of constructive change and reasoned reform might give us the collective vapors!