You Can't Spell "Specious Reasoning" Without "V-A-T-I-C-A-N," Dept.

Right, so Pope B-b-b-benny is getting some column inches for saying that condoms maybe sorta kinda could be hemidemisemi-OK for male prostitutes who don't want to spread AIDS. Which normally would be an "are you shitting me?" qualification, but coming from Popesy might as well be an invitation to a chickenhawk film festival at St. Peter's...oh, wait, that's next Thursday.

Cooler mitres prevailed, however, as His Teutonic Nibs hastened to say, according to HuffPo,  "...that it wasn't the way to deal with the evil of HIV, and elsewhere in the book reaffirmed church teaching on contraception and abortion, saying: 'How many children are killed who might one day have been geniuses, who could have given humanity something new, who could have given us a new Mozart or some new technical discovery?'"

I fucking love this line of reasoning.  Because it hangs in the air, with kind of a pleading look, saying, "C'mon, slugger, hit me out into the far cheap seats..."

Yes, let us think of all the geniuses, the Mozarts, the Einsteins, who will only live their short spermy lives in the reservoir tip of a prophylactic contoured for her pleasure.

Then let us think of all the genocidal sociopaths, the serial killers, the televangelists and TeaDouchebaggers, the Hitlers, Pol Pots and Stalins, who are similarly fated to bump their little noggins against latex before shuffling off this mortal coil.  Gee, them condoms don't look so bad now, do they, Benny?

And then let us think of the fact that, in an average load of spooge, one would count upwards of 200 million sperm, each capable of being the next Anita O'Day or, alternately, Katy Perry.  Well, if the great and tragic sin is wasting these precious little fellers, why would our Intelligent Designer not have simply made conception a one sperm/one egg deal?  Because, even with the best of intentions, the most Catholic of couplers is going to waste over 299 million potential Mozarts.  How does that make sense, Benadryl?

Short answer: It don't.  Longer answer: It really doesn't make any fucking sense at all.

So...I guess the fact that there's even the slightest bit of an exception shown by the paedo-pal's pontiff to the condom ban, particularly when it's related to HIV/AIDS prevention, a topic on which the Vatican has been just this side of an ostrich in terms of reasonable, non-faith-based prevention, is a good thing.  But, really, Ben-Wa, even Life Sciences 101 makes a mockery of your point.  So, why don't we agree that Not Every Sperm Is Sacred, to paraphrase those fellows, and jog reasonwards along the continuum, rather than ooga-boogawards?

Because, remember when you told me to tell you when you were being that guy?  Well, you're being that guy.  Like, a lot.  So, chill.  Put on that Colbie Caillat album you like.  Maybe a little Pinot Grigio.  And not so much talking, boo.  You are not making things better.

Ketchup Time, Dept.

Hey, mid-term elections!  Krazy Teabaggers!  Dirty tricks!  The National Mall ass-deep in meta-signs and moderates!  More Krazy Teabaggers!  Loudmouthery in the ascendant!  National Tragedy™ Sarah Palin inexplicably still not back to flipping burgers in a food trailer!  Dick Tracy villain Mitch "Limpface" McConnell a-plottin'!  Michele Bachmann eluding the men with the butterfly nets!  The Three Weird Sisters--Angle, O'Donnell, Miller--unable to make their witchly cooking stick to America's ribs!

And the bottom line......we welcome our new Oompa-Loompa Speaker of the House, John "I'm a Massive" Boehner!  The American people look forward to two years of gratuitous, partisan obstructionism on the part of our first Tangerine-American House leader.  It's as if Ohio were somehow able to transplant a horrible, sebum-fat wen from its face to that of the nation.  Thanks, Buckeyes!

So, c'mon, GOP!  Live up to your role, nay, your divinely mandated mission, as the Cock-Blocking Party!  At this critical time in our country's history, we need a Gal Who Can Say 'No'!  Otherwise, the speed of constructive change and reasoned reform might give us the collective vapors!