Sucking in the Seventies. And the Eighties. And the Nineties. And the..., or schlemiel! schlimazel! you are really not a very talented filmmaker! Dept.

Apropos of nothing besides the fact that his Georgia Rule opened today to almost-unanimous critical abuse, has Garry Marshall ever, that's "evereverEVER", made a movie that didn't blow like a Nor'easter?

I mean, consider the man's filmography: Both Princess Diaries. Raising Helen. Runaway Bride. The Other Sister. *shudder* Exit to Eden. Nothing in Common.

God damn. After you total your car four or five times, at least the DMV considers revoking your license.

Marshall's films tend to be unfunny sitcoms and hamhanded melodramas. And, sometimes, horrible hybridizations of the twain, like filmic pickled-punks jarred and displayed to midway crowds the director must assume are comprised entirely of plus-size bachelorettes with little education, less sophistication, and a ready vat of chocolate-chip cookie dough. That he managed to cajole/blackmail three "name" actresses (Felicity Huffman the prize of the group) into making his most recent treacle-smeared abortion speaks volumes to the paucity of worthwhile films for women. (I mean, Jane Fonda comes out of a fifteen-year-long retirement from film to make Georgia Rule and Monster-in-Law? Wow, second-billing to J.Lo and L.bLo. Couldn't she find more dignified work in, say, Arkansas dinner theater?)

So, do the cinematic world a favor. Rather than encourage Marshall's serial demolition of the artform, check to see if there's a Happy Days or Laverne and Shirley on tonight. At least the laugh track'll do the work for you and you don't have to worry about parking.