Thursday, September 05, 2013
Fashion Weak, Dept.
Men, do you find that not enough people at your workplace jeer at you? Do you feel that more bystanders on the street or congregants at your place of worship should be calling you things such as "dumb fuck," "colorblind weasel" and "dumb fuck"?
Well, fret no more, mon freres! Because Brooks Brothers (motto: "We wouldn't know good taste if it landed on our tongues™") has just released its faboo "Buffalo Check" fall line!
Yes, plunk down a mere $1,300, and you can walk out of the showroom wearing the lovely ensemble you see above left--high-water cuffs at no additional cost! Like the cashmere cable-knit turtleneck sweater that completes the outfit? Another $1,200, and it's yours, brother!
What's that? You're more in the mood to flash some gam? Well, the socks-optional outfit on the right--three-piece shorts suit! what will they think of next?!--is a mere $1,900 away! Throw in the shirt and tie for another $320, and you've got a Look! Not a "look"--a "Look."
As I've mentioned before, Brooks Brothers demonstrably hates human beings. More specifically, it hates men and seeks to emasculate, infantilize and ridicule them by designing outfits a '70s pimp would find garish.
The more I think about it, the more it occurs to me that Brooks Brothers is the haberdashery dominatrix: it debases you entirely then charges you for the privilege. La Belle Dame sans Goût.
So, run down to your local BB now! These babies are flying out the door! Or, if you want to save time, take $2,000 in twenties and fifties, throw the bills in a metal container and set them on fire. Either way.