Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Ridi, Pagliaccio!, Dept.

Don't send in the clowns - Yahoo! News

"Don't send in the clowns

Bad news for Coco and Blinko -- children don't like clowns and even older kids are scared of them.

The news that will no doubt have clowns shedding tears was revealed in a poll of youngsters by researchers from the University of Sheffield who were examining how to improve the decor of hospital children's wards.

The study, reported in the Nursing Standard magazine, found all the 250 patients aged between four and 16 they quizzed disliked the use of clowns, with even the older ones finding them scary.

'As adults we make assumptions about what works for children,' said Penny Curtis, a senior lecturer in research at the university.

'We found that clowns are universally disliked by children. Some found them quite frightening and unknowable.'

A word to researchers at the University of Sheffield and any other institutes of higher learning in the English-speaking world: next time, just ask your sobsister.

For I could have told you--for only half the money you spent on this study--that not only sick children, but well children, adults in any state of health, household pets, and even God's little angels fucking hate clowns.

Reason no. 1: clowns are not funny.
Reason no. 2: see Reason no. 1
Reason no. 3: clowns are irredeemably creepy. not as creepy as ventriloquists' dummies, I'll grant you. but, in the words traditionally attributed to Lon Chaney, "A clown is funny in the circus ring, but what would be the normal reaction to opening a door at midnight and finding the same clown standing there in the moonlight?"
Reason no. 4: clowns are only funny in the way a pack of rabid raccoons in the neo-natal ward of your local hospital might be considered "funny". which is to say: not at all.

I mean, there's even a phobia centered around an "abnormal or exaggerated fear of clowns", called coulrophobia, from the Greek for "I HATE you, joy-sucking painted-face man! I HATE you!!"

So, to sum up: clowns not funny ever.
Don't get me started on the notion of a "clown college".
Or, dear God, a "clown ministry".
Thank you.

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