Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Show Times In The Ninth Circle Of Hell Are..., Dept.

Hey, kids! Do you want a little insight into what would constitute cruel and unusual punishment in your ol' sobsister's book? Having to sit through what appears to be a gut-wrenchingly high-larious comedy soon due out from comedian/actor/auteur/Jerry-Lewis-manqué (and, Christ, are there three sadder words to string together?) Adam Sandler and generic-fat-schlub-with-crap-CBS-sitcom Kevin James, entitled--ha ha!--I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. Oh my stars and garters! Is that not ripe with comedic possibilities?! See, Kev'n'Ad are two hyper-straight reg'lar Noo Yawk guys, right? But they've gotta pretend to be gay for some fucking reason or another that I assume isn't particularly important or real!! Oh, I can feel my ribs starting to be tickled in anticipation! The thought of them mincing around all fey just to convince somebody that they're fruits faggots nancy-boys cocksuckers pansies a homosexual couple worthy of respect and equal treatment before the law and society! And Jessica Biel and Her Musical Titties will be in several states of undress to tempt poor Adam into revealing his totally red-blooded macho-man inclinations! Holy schmoka, what a polka! I'm gonna buy two tickets when I go see it! Just to give as much of my money to this abortion as I can! Wow! Aren't you glad that Western Civilization has worked its way up through three thousand years of disease, war, famine, and death just to grunt out this steaming pile of shit?! I know I am! Ha ha! See you later, playmates!

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